Written by Kevin Lew -- 'The Lai-Lai Boy' kasumi@eden.com
Last updated: 20 October 1996
The Japanese are like a shelf of raspberry jam. They stay pretty cool, fairly sweet, and they don't say very much.
Gaijin are the peanut butter. You'll always look different to them. Fortunately, peanut butter seems to go well with jelly, so they will treat you rather friendly. There are some that will think that having too much around will eventually stick to the roof of your mouth. "What are you doing over here? This place is for raspberries only! You need to go back over to the your shopping aisle!" But most aren't this way.
If you want, you can actually put on some camoflauge, by dressing like a modern Japanese. In some cases, this will help, especially if you're in a business environment. Otherwise, it's something to prevent people from staring at you. (Japanese are unafraid to stare at you, even if you look back at them.)
Now, if you're Asian, you can dress in a suit. You'll be the strawberry preserves on the top shelf. You'll be one of the berries, and you're the high end guy. But man, have you worn a suit all day? What a drag!
I suggest not to dress strangely or show off your anime goods. You'll be the orange marmalade. Man, nobody likes orange marmalade. Sure, they won't say anything to your face. But when you're not around, they'll say to their jelly buddies, "Check out the marmalade boy. Doesn't he have bad taste?" (Get it?)
The closest imitation to a real Japanese is to emulate boysenberry jam. From a distance, they'll think, "Hey, you're one of the berries, so you're pretty cool." They'll eventually figure it out that you're just a cheap berry hybrid, but you can fool them for a time.
Boysenberry Disguise: Don't wear blue jeans or shorts. Wear a shirt with a collar. Don't wear anything with flashy logos and stuff. Wear long pants. If you don't have purple hair or a nose ring, you'll blend in with the crowd. You will look exactly like a typical college student.
This has its disadvantages. Others will expect you to follow the social practices of a Japanese. If you're bad at them, they'll think, "What's wrong with you man?! Aren't you a raspberry?!" When you are lost, they will simply ignore you, thinking that you are one of those kids that get those "special" education classes in school.